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IELTS ESSAY 1

نویسنده :بهنام فرقانی
تاریخ:سه شنبه 17 آذر 1394-08:01 ق.ظ

ESSAY 1: 'road safety' essay

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

 

People have differing views with regard to the question of how to make our roads safer. In my view, both punishments and a range of other measures can be used together to promote better driving habits.

On the one hand, strict punishments can certainly help to encourage people to drive more safely. Penalties for dangerous drivers can act as a deterrent, meaning that people avoid repeating the same offence. There are various types of driving penalty, such as small fines, licence suspension, driver awareness courses, and even prison sentences. The aim of these punishments is to show dangerous drivers that their actions have negative consequences. As a result, we would hope that drivers become more disciplined and alert, and that they follow the rules more carefully.

On the other hand, I believe that safe driving can be promoted in several different ways that do not punish drivers. Firstly, it is vitally important to educate people properly before they start to drive, and this could be done in schools or even as part of an extended or more difficult driving test. Secondly, more attention could be paid to safe road design. For example, signs can be used to warn people, speed bumps and road bends can be added to calm traffic, and speed cameras can help to deter people from driving too quickly. Finally, governments or local councils could reduce road accidents by investing in better public transport, which would mean that fewer people would need to travel by car.

In conclusion, while punishments can help to prevent bad driving, I believe that other road safety measures should also be introduced.

(269 words, band 9)



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IELTS ESSAY 7

نویسنده :بهنام فرقانی
تاریخ:سه شنبه 17 آذر 1394-09:47 ق.ظ

ESSAY 7: 'parental roles' essay

These days, more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work.

What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?


It is true that men are increasingly likely to take on the role of househusband, while more women than ever are the breadwinners in their families. There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be a very positive trend.

In recent years, parents have had to adapt to various changes in our societies. Equal rights movements have made great progress, and it has become normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue a career. It has also become socially acceptable for men to stay at home and look after their children. At the same time, the rising cost of living has meant that both marriage partners usually need to work and save money before starting a family. Therefore, when couples have children, they may decide who works and who stays at home depending on the personal preference of each partner, or based on which partner earns the most money.

In my view, the changes described above should be seen as progress. We should be happy to live in a society in which men and women have equal opportunities, and in which women are not put under pressure to sacrifice their careers. Equally, it seems only fair that men should be free to leave their jobs in order to assume childcare responsibilities if this is what they wish to do. Couples should be left to make their own decisions about which parental role each partner takes, according to their particular circumstances and needs.

In conclusion, the changing roles of men and women in the family are a result of wider changes in society, and I believe that these developments are desirable.

(274 words, band 9)

·are increasingly likely to

·take on the role of househusband

·breadwinners

·equal rights movements

·made great progress

·gain qualifications

·pursue a career

·become socially acceptable

·the rising cost of living

·marriage partners

·starting a family

·personal preference

·should be seen as progress

·equal opportunities

·put under pressure

·sacrifice their careers

·assume childcare responsibilities

·parental role

·their particular circumstances and needs

·wider changes in society

·these developments are desirable



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IELTS ESSAY 3

نویسنده :بهنام فرقانی
تاریخ:سه شنبه 17 آذر 1394-08:50 ق.ظ

ESSAY 3

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, more and more people are making the choice to go to university.  While some people are of the opinion that the only purpose of a university education is to improve job prospects, others think that society and the individual benefit in much broader ways.

It is certainly true that one of the main aims of university is to secure a better job.  The majority of people want to improve their future career prospects and attending university is one of the best ways to do this as it increases a persons marketable skills and attractiveness to potential employers.  In addition, further education is very expensive for many people, so most would not consider it if it would not provide them with a more secure future and a higher standard of living. Thus job prospects are very important.

However, there are other benefits for individuals and society.  Firstly, the independence of living away from home is a benefit because it helps the students develop better social skills and improve as a person.  A case in point is that many students will have to leave their families, live in halls of residence and meet new friends.  As a result, their maturity and confidence will grow enabling them to live more fulfilling lives.  Secondly, society will gain from the contribution that the graduates can make to the economy.  We are living in a very competitive world, so countries need educated people in order to compete and prosper.

In conclusion, I believe that although a main aim of university education is to get the best job, there are clearly further benefits.  If we continue to promote and encourage university attendance, it will lead to a better future for individuals and society.

(279 words)

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Comments

The writer in this IELTS writing example has a clear thesis in the second sentence of the introduction, establishing that two sides of this issue will be discussed (While some people are of the opinion...others think that...).

Looking at the structure, the topic sentences make it clear when the first opinion is being discussed(It is certainly true that one of the main aims of university is to secure a better job.)and when the writer is moving onto the next opinion (However, there are other benefits for individuals and society.).

Connectors (To begin... Also... Firstly... Secondly) are used well to introduce each new supporting idea. Further connectors (For example...A case in point is that...As a result...)are used to expand on these ideas.

Finally, the writer has demonstrated that they are able to use complex sentence structures(While...that...in order to...as...), and has discussed both views and combined this with his/her opinion, thus ensuring the question has been answered.



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IELTS ESSAY 4

نویسنده :بهنام فرقانی
تاریخ:سه شنبه 17 آذر 1394-08:55 ق.ظ

ESSAY 4


In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.

Do you agree or disagree?

Multinational companies nowadays find it easy both to market their products all over the world and set up factories wherever they find it convenient. In my opinion this has had a harmful effect on our quality of life in three main areas.

The first area is their products. Supporters of globalization would argue that multinational companies make high-quality goods available to more people. While this may be true to some extent, it also means that we have less choice of products to buy. When powerful multinational companies invade local markets with their goods, they often force local companies with fewer resources to go out of business. In consequence, we are obliged to buy multinational products whether we like them or not.

This brings me to my second point. It is sometimes said that multinational companies and globalisation are making societies more open. This may be true. However, I would argue that as a result the human race is losing its cultural diversity. If we consumed different products, societies all over the world would be more varied. This can be seen by the fact that we all shop in similarmultinational supermarkets and buy identical products wherever we live.

Thirdly, defenders of multinational companies often point out that they provide employment. Although this is undoubtedly true, it also means that we have become more dependent on them, which in turn makes us more vulnerable to their decisions. When, for example, a multinational decides to move its production facilities to another country, this has an adverse effect on its workers who lose their jobs.

In conclusion, I believe that if we as voters pressured our governments to make multinational companies more responsible and to protect local producers from outside competition, we could have the benefits of globalisation without its disadvantages.


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IELTS ESSAY 6

نویسنده :بهنام فرقانی
تاریخ:سه شنبه 17 آذر 1394-08:57 ق.ظ

ESSAY 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?


It is true that some criminals commit crimes again after they have been punished. While there are several reasons for this alarming trend, some effective measures can be taken by governments to tackle this problem.

There are two main reasons for re-offenders. Firstly, the prison system can make the situation worse. Criminals put together in prison and they make friends with other offenders. While they are locked up in prison, they do not have much to do there, and they would exchange information about what they have done before they came to the prison or they may plan crimes with other inmates. Secondly, offenders often do not have any other means of earning money. They are poor, uneducated and lacking skills needed to maintain a job. Also, a criminal record makes finding a job difficult as people usually avoid hiring people with criminal background.

To solve this problem, governments should focus on rehabilitation of criminals rather than punishment. Above all, prisons need vocational training which allows inmates to prepare for life outside the prison. They can learn practical skills such as computer programming, car maintenance and graphic design. In this way, they can be hired for a position that requires this certain knowledge and skills. Community service is another way to reform offenders. Rather than being locked up in prison with other inmates, offenders can help society and become useful to their local community, and these activities would eliminate the negative influence that prisons can have.

In conclusion, it is true the recidivism are one of the problem for our community; it can be solved by focusing on rehabilitation rather than punishment itself.


This is a good essay. The requirements of the task statement are covered, the reasoning is logical and presented in a coherent, easy to follow way, the range of vocabulary is wide enough and the writer shows fluency and flexibility. Some minor errors in this essay include word choice and preposition errors (mouse over the words underlined in blue shows suggested corrections). Overall this looks like an IELTS Band 8 essay.


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IELTS ESSAY 5

نویسنده :بهنام فرقانی
تاریخ:سه شنبه 17 آذر 1394-08:56 ق.ظ

Essay 5  (REDUCE CRIME)

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Crime is a serious and growing problem in most societies. Although many people believe that the best way to tackle this is to place people in prison for longer periods, others are of the opinion that other measures will be more effective.

There are benefits of giving offenders longer prison sentences. Firstly, spending a long time in prison provides an opportunity for the prison services to rehabilitate a prisoner. For example, someone who has committed a serious offence such as assault will need a long time in prison in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend. In addition to this, longer prison sentences will act as a deterrent for someone who is thinking of committing a crime.

However, some people argue that leaving people in prison for a long time means that they will mix with other criminals and so their character will not improve. One alternative is community service. This gives an offender the opportunity to give something positive back to society, and so it may improve their character. Also, the government could focus its resources on the causes of crime, which would lead to less crime in the future.

In my opinion, it is important to look at alternative methods. Many countries have lengthy prison sentences, but crime has continued to increase throughout the world, so it is clear that this is not completely effective. That said, long prison sentences should remain for those who commit serious crimes such as assault or murder, as justice for the victim and their family should take priority.

To conclude, there are good arguments for and against long sentences, so governments must continue to research the various methods of crime reduction to ensure effective policies are in place.

(290 words)




Comments

The writer of this essay has produced a well balanced and coherent piece of writing.

They clearly answer the question. The first body paragraph is dedicated to discussing the merits of long sentences, and the second body looks at alternative methods. Finally, the writer provides their own opinion on the issue.

Very important for IELTS essays, each paragraph has a clear central topic which is expanded upon in the supporting sentences.

Regarding grammar, the writer has successfully demonstrated their ability to use a mix of sentence structures, including a variety of complex sentences (although... someone who... in order to... means that... which would...).

Ideas are coherently presented by using transition words (Firstly,... For example,... In addition to this,... However, .... In my opinion,... To conclude,...)..

It is important in IELTS essays to have good topic related vocabulary in order to achieve a higher score, and this is evident in this piece of work (re-offend... rehabilitate... re-educated... deterrent... committing a crime...)..

Also of importance with regards to vocabulary is to vary your word choices and not to repeat the same word. This can be done by using synonyms, as the writer has done with the word alternative 'ways', using variations of this (methods... measures...).


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